« Caro Houatfeu, I wrote to you last year to say how much we Sicilians admire President Trump. Not only did he asked Europeans to pay for protection by the USA, but also to pay for the guns that will protect them. Bravo, bravissimo, il Trump, did we say then! In Sicilia, our local mafia calls this protection money “Il Pizzo”, so we have given President Trump a friendly nickname: Trumpizzo. Now, he adopts another old tradition of Sicilian politics: paying people to vote for you (or votu di scanciu). We’ve been doing this since the nineteenth century, and my grandfather use to tell me how it worked before WWII in Palermo: a candidate would give the right shoe to the voters and the left one if he was elected. Another would give half a thousand liras banknote, and the other half if elected. Until very recently, here, a vote was still worth between 25 to 50 euros.
So, I have a message for President Trump: don’t waste your time in the US anymore, come to Sicilia and give each of us 5000USD. For this price, we shall elect your for life, and because we are only five million Sicilians, it will cost you much less than giving the same amount to the 340 million Americans. Alora, Forza, Trumpizzo! » Cordiali saluti, Massimo